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Letter 26 - To the Misses Klein and Schoeffler
3 November 1846
My very dear friends,
See: I write to you letter for letter. I must tell you that your letter greatly surprised me, but even more so the transaction which you engaged in with Father Superior1. You talk to me about an ordination of priests at Christmas. I strongly doubt that you have taken my words in their ordinary meaning. But I no longer think about being ordained a priest, any more than about anything else that could happen during my wait. If that’s what I said in my letter, it must have been something completely vague which I wrote to you, without paying attention, since I do not at all remember having put it there . And concerning these unnoticed words, I believe it was not necessary, 2 , my very dear friends, to make a big scene about the matter. It was not necessary to write to Father Superior, who rarely pays attention — be sure of it — to all these letters, because many similar items come to him every day. Accordingly, I believe that it would have been wiser for you to contact me, and ask me for a clarification of my words. But because it is done, it is over with, and let’s not talk about it anymore. Once more, however, I ask you to weigh my words somewhat, or, if you wish, I will weigh them more myself. As for the way in which I am happy here, I can only bless God for it. I am very happy and I thank Him every day for having brought me here. Don’t you see, my very dear friends, I weighed everything before involving myself in this path. I believe — I am morally certain even — that God is calling me to the work of the Missions. If He does not want me in China or in India, oh well! I will try elsewhere, as again I wrote recently to my family. There are many mission houses in France; there are some for America, for Oceania, for Asia Minor, etc., etc. You say that you have need of me, my very dear ones, but if God calls me elsewhere, He will know how to provide you with consolations which I could not provide even if I remained near you. Relax, both of you.Let God do His thing, and don’t fear that I will leave all that quickly. I don’t think so, since the Fathers here are sensible enough — rest assured — that they would not send a young man without testing him. For that, God gives them special graces. My dear friends, I think you would not want to see me unhappy around here; well, I am sure of being so if I remain in our France. Everything points to that. You also reproach me for not having been more cheerful in my letters3. My very dear friends, while I was treating subjects as weighty as those in my last letter, in which I offered you data about a future that you wanted to found for yourselves, I believe that this was not the place to laugh. Today is still not the time; when one realizes that he is in a house in which so many saints, missionaries and martyrs have lived, I believe that levity is not called for. Rather, one must think of becoming also a saint like them,especially when he is still only an accursed sinner.
Don’t you believe, however, that I am no longer cheerful. Oh! Very far from it; I am always cheerful and I still laugh heartily. Everything in its place, however. So, I ask you, my very dear friends: if I remained in France, what would you have me do? I have no inclination for ministry in our France; it is too stagnant; at the end of two years, I would be a man lost forever. Would you prefer I go into teaching? First of all, my abilities don’t allow me. To teach, one must himself know something; the more I reflect on myself, the more I see the weak foundation of my knowledge.Subsequently, most especially in these latter days, I reflected on that. I realized that being there was not what suited me; it was too stagnant a life. No, my character calls for activity. You tell me in your letters that your eternal future depends on my departure [for the missions - Trans.], and especially that of your very dear Sophie. Oh, my very dear friends! I pray for this every day, and I hope strongly that one day God will answer the prayers of all of us. No, He will not allow such an attractive soul to be lost 4. I would very much like to serve some purpose in this endeavor, but Divine Providence has no need of me to bring this about. While we wait, let us pray. To summarize up to now: if I have talked to you of my ordination at Christmas, it was not my intention because there is no basis for it, and secondly, I pray you from now on not to worry too much about me. Let Divine Providence act; it knows what each of usneeds. Enough about me; I hope, my very dear friends, that your solicitude for me no longer be distressed. Now as to Father Bour, I find him filled with warm feelings for you; at least thatis how it now appears from the outside. I am not strong in plumbing the depths of hearts; the Good Lord has not yet given me this grace. Deal with him [Father Bour], then, as if he were of good faith, following upon the promises he made to me to support you as much as possible; I hope that he will not renege. Tomorrow is the feast of St. Charles5. Oh, what happy days have gone by! It is true; we will not see each other save in eternity. Oh, my dear friends! It is there, yes it is the only place [? - Ed.] that we are destined to be happy. What are 40, 50 years and even more of suffering and pain; that is nothing, truly nothing, in comparison with an eternity of happiness. Oh! Once more, my very dearfriends, let us strive to reach there. A brief word concerning your letter. I pray you not to make any new entreaties to have me stay around here. All of that is entirely useless; in these matters, every man is bound to know what he has to do. If I were able to please you by sending you some small fragments of relics of our Chinese martyrs, write to me within the week. I thank you also for the gift which you generously had made for me, I find only one fault: it is toobeautiful for a poor wretch like me; I am far too unworthy to wear it. You probably will make fun of me, and yet I am only telling you the truth. I have attached to it a locket containing some hair of my friend who died last year6, the seventh of this month, as well as a reliquary. I always have it before my eyes, but I do not know if it will be strong enough to hold me back. But who knows; perhaps God would use it to hold me back. Once more, again, let Providence act. I greatly rejoice at having seen the fine Father Mastraca.As for Hippolyte, still today I cannot write to him; nonetheless I hug him and Father Mastraca with all my heart. Don’t forget also to present my greetings and warm regards to my dear little Mina, (I always hope to lead her with me to China, since she wanted to make me remain in France), and dear Marie and the young Wiesbaden ladies who deem to think about me!And you, my very dear friends, what can I tell you in parting? Courage, and hope, and prayer. Especially, don’t embroil me in new projects, or I will certainly be angry with you. Even now, I waver as to whether in fact I should be angry.
Goodbye; believe me always, your most devoted and affectionate A. Schoeffler, deacon aspiring for the Missions Write to me right away; I am most anxious to get news about you. Tell me about yourselves, how you are. In a week, I expect a letter; come now, no laziness. [Addition to the first page, between the date and the salutation]: In addition, our conferences have not yet begun. I expect a letter on the subject. I don’t have time to reread my letter, but do not [... ? - Ed.] my words.
1 This letter to the Superior has not been found in the Archives of the M.E.
2 He exaggerates! See the previous letter to the friends in Germany: “Perhaps I will not be a priest at Christmas.” [Reference unclear. - Trans.] This is certain: those in charge of the call to Orders do not like having their decisions taken for granted. The Superior must have given Augustine a dressing down.
3 They did not appreciate the picture of the “joys” of a missionary: rattan rods, decapitation, etc.
4 The same expression is used concerning the on-board doctor [Letter 65] who is a Protestant... Would Sophie Klein have been a Lutheran?
5 Patron of his priest-uncle. Augustine would often sign: Charles Augustin, in memory of this uncle whom he greatly loved and who profoundly influenced him.
6 Félix Chevreux; see the Letters to Madam and Misses Chevreux: N 15, 28, etco .
See: I write to you letter for letter. I must tell you that your letter greatly surprised me, but even more so the transaction which you engaged in with Father Superior1. You talk to me about an ordination of priests at Christmas. I strongly doubt that you have taken my words in their ordinary meaning. But I no longer think about being ordained a priest, any more than about anything else that could happen during my wait. If that’s what I said in my letter, it must have been something completely vague which I wrote to you, without paying attention, since I do not at all remember having put it there . And concerning these unnoticed words, I believe it was not necessary, 2 , my very dear friends, to make a big scene about the matter. It was not necessary to write to Father Superior, who rarely pays attention — be sure of it — to all these letters, because many similar items come to him every day. Accordingly, I believe that it would have been wiser for you to contact me, and ask me for a clarification of my words. But because it is done, it is over with, and let’s not talk about it anymore. Once more, however, I ask you to weigh my words somewhat, or, if you wish, I will weigh them more myself. As for the way in which I am happy here, I can only bless God for it. I am very happy and I thank Him every day for having brought me here. Don’t you see, my very dear friends, I weighed everything before involving myself in this path. I believe — I am morally certain even — that God is calling me to the work of the Missions. If He does not want me in China or in India, oh well! I will try elsewhere, as again I wrote recently to my family. There are many mission houses in France; there are some for America, for Oceania, for Asia Minor, etc., etc. You say that you have need of me, my very dear ones, but if God calls me elsewhere, He will know how to provide you with consolations which I could not provide even if I remained near you. Relax, both of you.Let God do His thing, and don’t fear that I will leave all that quickly. I don’t think so, since the Fathers here are sensible enough — rest assured — that they would not send a young man without testing him. For that, God gives them special graces. My dear friends, I think you would not want to see me unhappy around here; well, I am sure of being so if I remain in our France. Everything points to that. You also reproach me for not having been more cheerful in my letters3. My very dear friends, while I was treating subjects as weighty as those in my last letter, in which I offered you data about a future that you wanted to found for yourselves, I believe that this was not the place to laugh. Today is still not the time; when one realizes that he is in a house in which so many saints, missionaries and martyrs have lived, I believe that levity is not called for. Rather, one must think of becoming also a saint like them,especially when he is still only an accursed sinner.
Don’t you believe, however, that I am no longer cheerful. Oh! Very far from it; I am always cheerful and I still laugh heartily. Everything in its place, however. So, I ask you, my very dear friends: if I remained in France, what would you have me do? I have no inclination for ministry in our France; it is too stagnant; at the end of two years, I would be a man lost forever. Would you prefer I go into teaching? First of all, my abilities don’t allow me. To teach, one must himself know something; the more I reflect on myself, the more I see the weak foundation of my knowledge.Subsequently, most especially in these latter days, I reflected on that. I realized that being there was not what suited me; it was too stagnant a life. No, my character calls for activity. You tell me in your letters that your eternal future depends on my departure [for the missions - Trans.], and especially that of your very dear Sophie. Oh, my very dear friends! I pray for this every day, and I hope strongly that one day God will answer the prayers of all of us. No, He will not allow such an attractive soul to be lost 4. I would very much like to serve some purpose in this endeavor, but Divine Providence has no need of me to bring this about. While we wait, let us pray. To summarize up to now: if I have talked to you of my ordination at Christmas, it was not my intention because there is no basis for it, and secondly, I pray you from now on not to worry too much about me. Let Divine Providence act; it knows what each of usneeds. Enough about me; I hope, my very dear friends, that your solicitude for me no longer be distressed. Now as to Father Bour, I find him filled with warm feelings for you; at least thatis how it now appears from the outside. I am not strong in plumbing the depths of hearts; the Good Lord has not yet given me this grace. Deal with him [Father Bour], then, as if he were of good faith, following upon the promises he made to me to support you as much as possible; I hope that he will not renege. Tomorrow is the feast of St. Charles5. Oh, what happy days have gone by! It is true; we will not see each other save in eternity. Oh, my dear friends! It is there, yes it is the only place [? - Ed.] that we are destined to be happy. What are 40, 50 years and even more of suffering and pain; that is nothing, truly nothing, in comparison with an eternity of happiness. Oh! Once more, my very dearfriends, let us strive to reach there. A brief word concerning your letter. I pray you not to make any new entreaties to have me stay around here. All of that is entirely useless; in these matters, every man is bound to know what he has to do. If I were able to please you by sending you some small fragments of relics of our Chinese martyrs, write to me within the week. I thank you also for the gift which you generously had made for me, I find only one fault: it is toobeautiful for a poor wretch like me; I am far too unworthy to wear it. You probably will make fun of me, and yet I am only telling you the truth. I have attached to it a locket containing some hair of my friend who died last year6, the seventh of this month, as well as a reliquary. I always have it before my eyes, but I do not know if it will be strong enough to hold me back. But who knows; perhaps God would use it to hold me back. Once more, again, let Providence act. I greatly rejoice at having seen the fine Father Mastraca.As for Hippolyte, still today I cannot write to him; nonetheless I hug him and Father Mastraca with all my heart. Don’t forget also to present my greetings and warm regards to my dear little Mina, (I always hope to lead her with me to China, since she wanted to make me remain in France), and dear Marie and the young Wiesbaden ladies who deem to think about me!And you, my very dear friends, what can I tell you in parting? Courage, and hope, and prayer. Especially, don’t embroil me in new projects, or I will certainly be angry with you. Even now, I waver as to whether in fact I should be angry.
Goodbye; believe me always, your most devoted and affectionate A. Schoeffler, deacon aspiring for the Missions Write to me right away; I am most anxious to get news about you. Tell me about yourselves, how you are. In a week, I expect a letter; come now, no laziness. [Addition to the first page, between the date and the salutation]: In addition, our conferences have not yet begun. I expect a letter on the subject. I don’t have time to reread my letter, but do not [... ? - Ed.] my words.
1 This letter to the Superior has not been found in the Archives of the M.E.
2 He exaggerates! See the previous letter to the friends in Germany: “Perhaps I will not be a priest at Christmas.” [Reference unclear. - Trans.] This is certain: those in charge of the call to Orders do not like having their decisions taken for granted. The Superior must have given Augustine a dressing down.
3 They did not appreciate the picture of the “joys” of a missionary: rattan rods, decapitation, etc.
4 The same expression is used concerning the on-board doctor [Letter 65] who is a Protestant... Would Sophie Klein have been a Lutheran?
5 Patron of his priest-uncle. Augustine would often sign: Charles Augustin, in memory of this uncle whom he greatly loved and who profoundly influenced him.
6 Félix Chevreux; see the Letters to Madam and Misses Chevreux: N 15, 28, etco .
